Black & Blue

Have you ever been so sad that you couldn't even bring yourself

to keep your eyes focused on whats in front of you?

You couldn't even force a single syllable from your throat,

as your thoughts claw violently at the base of your esophagus—

begging to be set free

I felt like I was falling when I laid down last night.

My blanket weighed down on me like wrench straps

holding me to the bed frame as my mind drifted around aimlessly in the dark.

I couldn’t peel my eyes back open as I started to become dizzy

The weight of everything held me captive to my mattress

and pulled me backwards into the abyss when I shut my eyes.

I rarely think of what is best for me.

I find myself banging my head against desk corners

just begging my thoughts to cease---

searching for the sweet release of silence.

Agony stamped black and blue across my head--

The physical appearance of my mind

finally matches what is inside.

I wear hats because its winter

with blue-jeans and a long sweater—

and only I feel the fabric catch as I shift inside my armor.

-m.k.